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Heretic’s Dreams

 
 

Does the subconscious of a heretic works any differently than that of the traditional faithful? Having been both, and more, my answer should be no. Nonetheless, I have been asked enough about this, and about my dreams in general, to merit the creation of this section, if only for experimental purposes. Indeed, let's investigate together how the mind of a certain heretic works? 

I will begin by relating a series of troubled dreams that I had over a period of few weeks in mid 2000. They represent the first and only dreams, so far, that  I have bothered to record. I simply never cared about recording my dreams before. Then, urged by the fact that some of my friends at a time were making a habit of it, I decided to go ahead and give it try. The trial period ended when something inside of me snapped all of the sudden and put an end to my ability to recall my dreams.  Ever since, I have had a lot of difficulty recalling my dreams with sufficient enough details to merit recording. Perhaps the responsibility of having  to update this section ever now and then will help me regain this lost ability of mine. After all, one's dreams are one's home made movies, self-produced, self-directed and self-cast. And they are free. What better deal could there be?

But what's the point and purpose of sharing my dreams with all and sundry? - one may wonder. Narcissism could be one explanation, I guess. But, perhaps there is a simpler explanation than overly psychological one. For, perhaps, this comes merely as a logical extension to writing novels, poems, articles and essays. After all, I write because I want to understand the world and be understood by it - sharing my actual dreams with the world could be  one additional "literary" device in this venture, one which, I hope, would prove no less interesting than my other writings, if at all. 

It is important to note here as well, that I was still a bachelor when I had these dreams, and that I haven't even met Khawla yet, an event that won't take place until October of 2001. Also, and for privacy purposes,  I saw it more appropriate to use only the initials of the various friends and acquaintances that featured in my dreams, though I do try to explain something about our relationship in order to facilitate understanding.

The explanatory notes found in parentheses have been written shortly after the period under consideration, and I have only updated  to make them suitable for reproduction here. i tried not to censor myself, so as not to render the exercise futile for those wishing in indulge in psychoanalysis. 

This said, here are the "2000 Dreams" I had as only a heretic can have and relate them, perhaps...

 

"2000 Dreams"

 

Freedom


Have you really forgotten who I am, Brother? Have you really forgotten who I am, Brother?

 


I

lust

for

salvation,

 Brother,

as

though

it

were

a

woman,

and

I

 -

 a

man.

 
 

 
© All novels, short stories, poems, plays, articles, blog entries and other writings published in this site, including the Amarji Logo, are copyrighted materials with rights reverting to Ammar Abdulhamid. For furhter information, contact sitemanager@amarji.org.