An Oriental
Tapestry
A
Teaching of the Prophet
Start by
collecting a few small rocks,
an odd
number of rocks, to be specific,
preferably a multiple of three or seven,
for these are holy numbers, you know.
Yes, they are holy numbers.
Now, go
beyond a bush and relieve yourself.
Oh please, go
ahead, by all means, relieve yourself.
Take all the time you need.
And when
you are done,
spit on the rocks you collected,
and use them to wipe your…well, ass,
to put it bluntly,
for
as the Prophet himself said:
“there is no shyness in the matters of faith,”
wipe your ass, then,
until
it is completely dry and clean.
Yes,
dry
and clean.
Now, this
is the Way of the Prophet, rest assured.
This is
what he had instructed us to do, pray believe me.
This is
what he had done himself, indeed,
whenever he had relieved himself.
And we can
be sure of this, rest assured.
For this
report comes to us on the authority of Abu Hurayrah himself,
you know, the Prophet’s companion who loved kittens so much,
and
hated women, donkeys and dogs,
though not necessarily in that order.
He and his
friends had all the right answers
to any question we can ever think of,
for
they were the perfect embodiment of Islam,
as we all must surely know.
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