The Accident
2.
“The day has finally come to an end. Everything indeed has to come to
an end. Everything including this encounter.
The universe, as far as we are concerned anyway, is about to take a short yet much-needed
nap. I hope I have not been a colossal bore. I hope you were able to see that there is a
certain amount of worthiness to the claims I have been making all day.
3.
“Some of you may not have heard them all, but they will soon, I am
sure. For soon everybody will hear these claims and get a chance to check their worthiness
on his or her own.
4.
“And it is up to you to make my claims known. After all, and as you
must already know by now, you are indeed my disciples, and as my disciples, this is indeed
something that you need to do. It is indeed the very thing that you need to do, that you must
do, in order to give meaning to all this, to all that has transpired today.”
5.
I
say this and I proceed to cross the road, still partly facing my troubled disciples and waving goodbye at them, heading back
to my loneliness once more, marching all alone, all alone… when I am suddenly sent
flying into the air, then diving straight into the
recently washed and muddied ground. I have no clear reckoning of what has just happened to
me, but I can feel my blood starting to gush out of me. It is a familiar sensation really, an all-too familiar sensation to me, this gushing
out sensation.
6.
Words
gush out of me, blood gushes out of me, my very soul gushes out of me, always in
spurts, sometimes long, sometimes short, sometimes expected, sometimes sudden, sometimes needed,
sometimes unwanted, sometimes comforting, sometimes painful. But never, ever,
deadly. All excepting this time, of course.
7.
For
this time… this time, what comes, I know, I feel, will never come back. I shall be
drained, this time, right to the very end, just as I have always prophesized, just as I
have always been prepared to expect, and accept, all my life, all my life.
8.
This
time, my soul is going all the way along the way of no return, so meaninglessly, so
suddenly, so very, very humanly.
9.
I
gaze forward - I am not sure of up and down anymore, but I am still sure of forwardness -
so I gaze forward, and the faces of my stunned disciples float in front of me. I watch
them all intently, all too intently, until I see the face of the diplomat, for when I do
see the face of diplomat, I grab for it, pull it hard towards me, and…
10.
“You,” I say, “you, you. You
cannot let me die yet. You cannot let me die, you cannot let me die, not before I
dictated to you a chronicle of the events of the day, a chronicle of my thoughts. You have
to stay by me no matter what, until all is written. My Gospel should only be related in
my own words to the world. I shall not have anyone but me speak for me. Do you
understand? Do you understand?
11.
“I shall write, through your hands, I shall give, through your hands,
I shall offer, through your hands, to this crazed and famished world, a testament of
sorts, a final testament of this, most probably, the
most unlikely messiah history has ever known, so the irony of it all can
stand complete, can have a meaning, can ring true. Do you understand? Do you understand?”
12.
And
as I begin to take my final breaths, I divulge to one and all the secret of it all, yes, the secret of it all.
It won’t prove satisfactory, I am sure. Still, it will have to do. It will have to
do. It will have to do.
13.
“I had to do what I did, you know. I had to. I had to. I had to live
up to my name.”
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lust for salvation, Brother, as though it were a woman, and I - a man.
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