The Shoes
Act Two / Scene One
[THE SCENE TAKES PLACE IN
A HAREM. APPROPRIATE MUSIC REQUIRED. FEMININE SOUNDS AND GIGGLES HEARD. THE MURMURING OF A
FOUNTAIN]
Woman 1: (COYLY)
Is he awake yet?
Woman 2:
(ONCE AGAIN, COYLY)
Not
yet…but I think he is about to.
Woman 1: Well then, let’s make it interesting.
Abū Qāsim: Hmm. Is that you Hāfī? Oh, you beautiful sensitive
animal, you sensed that I am having a nightmare, didn’t you? You won’t believe
it, no you won’t believe it when I recount it to you. It all began…
[At this stage, Abū Qāsim opens his eyes and sees the
beautiful maidens all around him. HE GASPS, THEN HE STAMMERS]
Abū Qāsim: What…how…whe…where am I? What is this?
Who are you women? What is the meaning of this? Hey…why did you kiss me? your skin is
so soft. Why are you all gazing at me like that? Hey, your robes are so
transparent…hey, this one is not even…hey, why are you kissing me? What…
what do you want from an old man like me?
Woman 1: Old? What do you mean old? There are no old people
around here. No. not around here.
Abū Qāsim: No one ol…but…then…
[AT THIS STAGE, abū Qāsim jumps out of bed and begins
to shout, laugh and dance wildly all over the place as he grabs for the maidens who now
elude him while gasping and giggling]
Abū Qāsim: Yahoo. Hey wallah, Paradise. hey wallah Paradise.
This is Paradise. I am in Paradise. I, Abū Qāsim al-Tanbūrī, the vegetables-peddling
eighty-year old coot, am in Paradise. Paradise. My
most generous Lord has forgiving my blasphemies, over- looked my doubts and granted me
entry into Paradise. And you, you my beauties, you are my personal maidens, my personal hūrīs,
my personal nymphs. You are here to do whatever pleases me. You are all here to please me.
Oh, how long, how long and often I have dreamed of this; eighty damn years it took me to
get here, but I am finally here. I, Abū Qāsim al-Tanbūrī, am finally here in Paradise,
surrounded by my own personal hūrīs in Paradise, living in the lavish luxury of
Paradise. Paradise. Oh, what happiness. Oh,
what joy. Oh, if only Hāfī could be here with me, to see the glory and bliss I am in.
Oh, what am I saying? This
is not a time to think of a stupid donkey, this is the time to think of me, and
only me, me and my pleasures, me and my hūrīs, me and the ways they will give me
pleasure, me and my long-neglected penis that will forever be active from now on, because
I am in Paradise, and that’s what one is supposed to do in Paradise, fuck and fuck no
end, that’s what Paradise means to me, that’s what Paradise means to everyone,
that’s what Paradise is. Yahoo. Hey wallah.
Ah, if only my old friends
in the market place could see me now. Hmm, I wonder, will I ever see any of them again?
Have any of them gained entry into Paradise like I have? Or have they been cast into the
Fires of Hell for mocking me all those years while on Earth? Ah, who cares? It does not
matter. All this does not matter anymore. For I am in Paradise. In Paradise. I, Abū
Qāsim al-Tanbūrī, am in Paradise. I, Abū Qāsim al-Tanbūrī, am a young man again, a
young man, a young man surrounded by the most beautiful and voluptuous maidens that a
human eye has ever seen, and they are all mine and all willing, oh quite willing, and none
of them has ever been touched before, it’s up to me, to me, to touch them all.
Yahoo. And I shall touch them all I shall, or my name is not Abū Qāsim al-Tanbūrī. In
no time I shall make women out of them all.
Ah look at those nipples
of this maiden over here. Oh, come my beauty come, let me caress your delicate body,
don’t be afraid of me, I shall be gentle. (As he fondles the maiden): Oh, look at
those nipples, look at how they jump up and down as I tease them, look how firm they are,
how young, how lustful. Oh, come all of you my beauties come, let me compare your nipples,
let me be surrounded by all sorts of nipples, let me suck on all sorts of nipples. Ah,
come on, take this thing off my beauty (THE WOMAN INVOLVED GASPS, GIGGLES AND LAUGHS), you
don’t need it anymore. Women should be veiled on Earth only, but here, here in
Paradise, they should roam around naked, completely naked. Let me finally enjoy
unabashedly, unashamedly, uninhibitedly, the sight of young female flesh. Let me enjoy the
numerous glowing perturbances of the delicate female body as each of you walk around me
and dance for me, for me. Let me smell
your fresh virginal vulvas in my nostrils, in my very nostrils, for these are the very
smells of Paradise. Let me taste your fresh vulvas in my mouth, in my very eager mouth,
for such are the ways of Paradise. Oh, Paradise. I am in Paradise. Yahoo.
Oh, damn it, damn it. I
shall not let a single moment’s erection go to waste. Come my beauty come. Come to
bed, to bed, I shall make a woman of you. Yes, I shall make a woman of you. Oh
don’t you be worried, I shall be gentle. Come on, let me carry you. (And as he
tries to lift the maiden involved) Aaaah, my back, my back, my poor ailing back,
my… What? What? Pain? Pain? Here in Paradise? In paradise I am
experiencing pain? Pain? How is this possible? How?
Abū Qāsim: My face, come let me look at my face in this fountain
over there. Oh God, oh God, look at the wrinkles on my face. I am still old. I am still
old. Then…then, I am not in Paradise. I, Abū Qāsim al-Tanbūrī, am not in
Paradise. My blasphemies have not been forgiven. None of them has been forgiven. I am
being tortured for them now, tortured, with all the cruelty in the world. No, with all the
cruelty in Hell. Hell. For this is Hell. Oh yes. This is Hell. I am in Hell. I,
Abū Qāsim al-Tanbūrī, am in Hell, with my worst nightmares coming true, with people,
the most beautiful people I have ever seen in my entire life, mocking me, as the
counterparts on Earth had done. Just as
they had done. I am being mocked again. I am being punished.
I, Abū Qāsim
al-Tanbūrī, am being punished. Punished for having once dared to say the truth in the
face of an Unruly Master. Punished for having lived all of my life on the straight and
narrow, though more out of stubbornness than fear. Yes, stubbornness, plain old stubbornness
and force of habit. I am being punished, just because someone has fallen into the habit of
punishing, as I have fallen into the habit of expecting it, and accepting it. For,
I have no choice but to accept it. I am just a weak vegetables-peddling eighty- year old
man, with a new shoes that apparently he did not deserve.
[Abū Qāsim begins to sob. At this stage, an uproarious
laughter is heard, soon echoed by many. it belongs to the controller, now first minister]
The First Minister: Ah, you silly old man, you never stop to amuse me. I
saw that potential in you long, long ago, but I never had the chance to tap into to it
until that day in the marketplace, when you, oh ever so graciously, hit me with your old
shoe on my head. Oh, yes, yes gentlemen, this pathetic old man, hit me with an old shoe on
my head. Well, it all happened rather accidentally, of course, but it provided me with the
opportunity that I had long been waiting for. And as you know, good things come to those
who wait.
You should be happy to
know old man that I am the one who saved your life that day. I had been watching you from
a special hole made into the wall of the dungeon, and I saw you as you tried to hang
yourself, and immediately give the order to my men to go in and save your miserable life.
I have been looking after you in my new palace ever since. And judging from these
consummately beautiful hūrīs around you, it should become clear to you that I have been
more than generous in my care for you.
And now, old man,
it’s time for you to know that I plan to be even more generous in my treatment of
you. I plan to make you a consort of mine. A consort. Oh, heavens old man. Don’t you
know what it means to be selected to become a consort of mine? A consort of the First
Minister? It means that you can live with me here in my new palace, and spend the last
days of your, otherwise, worthless life in its unparalleled luxury. I shall even let you
choose one of those maidens to be truly your own personal property to do with her what you
will, to steal back moments of your seemingly unadventurous youth.
Abū Qāsim: (IN A BROKEN SPIRIT)
What would an
eighty-year old man do with one of your maidens? Make her giggle?
The First Minister: Well, that’s one thing
you are definitely good at, and it isn’t necessarily a bad thing now, is it? On the
other hand, a patient and well-trained maiden who do not wish to anger her master can
actually perform miracles, old man. Believe me. Believe me.
[the first Minister then turns to address the maidens]
He will choose one of you
for himself, but if he was unable to make up his mind, or is still too shocked and
disdainful to make the choice, you will have to choose for him. In all cases, remember
that I shall be throwing a feast in the honor of my new consort tomorrow, so don’t
work him too hard, and don’t you dare work him to death.
[the First Minister withdraws laughing followed by his men]
The Shoes
Act One: Scene One
Act One:
Scene Two
Act One: Scene Three
Act One: Scene Four
Act
Two: Scene Two
Act Two: Scene Three
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